Are you familiar with the Dunning-Kruger effect, also known as the « overconfidence bias »?
It explains how those who are less qualified on a subject tend to overestimate their skills.
Indeed, to know that they are incompetent, they must know at least a little bit about the task, even if they underestimate its difficulty. If you have a colleague without children who tells you that « it’s not that difficult to keep them busy all day long when you’re teleworking », you now know what they’re up against.
Not sure if it makes you appreciate them more, but at least you’ll know how to respond!
« I’ve been feeling a lot of negative emotions since the beginning of the lockdown ». As an organizational psychologist, this is what I’ve heard the most over the past 10 days.
The good news is that there are no negative emotions–there are only unpleasant emotions. If we have gone through millennia of evolution with our emotions intact, it is because even the most unpleasant of them have a use and a function.
Anger? It creates a temporary tension to help fight against the source of the injustice. Sadness? It arouses empathy and social support. Disgust? It protects against what could be harmful to ourselves and to others. Fear? It prevents us from confronting dangers that could jeopardize our existence.
Understanding the meaning of our emotions allows us to welcome them with a sense of calmness, and to view them not simply as unpleasant feelings but as sources of information to help move us towards an improved state of being.
In these times of forced cohabitation, it’s important to be aware of how psychology explains aggression.
There is no such thing as « gratuitous violence ». Violence is only gratuitous in the eyes of the spectator. The perpetrator always has a motivation, even if it escapes or repulses us.
The source of aggression is almost always frustration, being deprived of what we feel we are legitimately entitled to: respect, freedom to come and go, consideration, intimacy. All things we are lacking in the moment.
Avoiding aggressiveness during confinement is a matter of cutting off the sources of frustration. This simply involves respecting the needs of others as we would like them to respect our own.
Thus, when aggressiveness occurs, we are able to move beyond condemnation and superiority towards healthy dialogue and understanding.
Living in close confines with others is complicated. For this reason, today I would like to cover the three stages of a conflict:
If I forget to wash my cup and leave it on the table, my wife might say: « It annoys me when you leave your dirty dishes lying around ». I understand her legitimate thinking, I apologize, and we move on. It’s a conflict centred on behaviour. You get past those by apologizing.
If I do it again my wife will get annoyed: « Seriously? You are so selfish and messy ». I take offence even if it’s my fault. I apologize because my relationship is more important than my ego, but I still hold a grudge. It’s a conflict centred on the person and his or her characteristics. You get over it by apologizing on both sides: one for the repeated mistake and lack of listening, and the other for the clumsy wording.
If I do it again she will get angry: « You’re not listening! What are we even doing together? ». This is a relationship-centred conflict. It’s difficult to get out of these unscathed, because both parties are very affected.
If Step 2 happens, we can still get back to what has annoyed us about the other person’s behaviour by calmly expressing how we feel. By doing this we choose to be adversaries in the moment without becoming enemies, to denounce a behaviour while respecting the person.
In social psychology, ‘proxemics’ is the study of the distance that separates us from others according to our culture and degree of affinity.
I accept my partner entering my personal space (less than 40cm) but when I give a lecture I need at least 3.70m (the measure of social distance) to be respected. During lockdown, it is very likely that living in close quarters with others violates traditional proxemics. Indeed, even our relatives can seem oppressive if we don’t have enough personal space from time to time—and this can generate strong feelings of aggression.
To remedy this, I invite you to isolate yourself in an area of the house for an hour or two, ensuring no one is closer than 1.20m (the measure of personal distance). This short break will lower your stress and your level of aggressivity.
We may be advanced animals, but nevertheless we have maintained our territorial behaviours. It is sometimes essential to move away so that later on we can become closer. As the poet Robert Frost said, “Good fences make good neighbours.”
Today’s exercise is around nurturing the ties that connect you with others.
In positive psychology we often talk about the benefits of gratitude, so here is a ‘gratitude letter’ exercise to try today.
Find a quiet place where you feel comfortable. Select one person from your past who has made a positive impact in your life to whom you have never fully expressed your gratitude.
Write a heartfelt testimonial (about a page long). Take your time—several days if necessary. You can write on the bus or before bed, whenever feels like the right time.
Invite this person to your home or go and meet them at theirs. It’s important to do this face-to-face and not just over email or phone. Don’t tell them in advance the purpose of your visit; a simple « I just want to see you » is enough.
Bring your testimony as you would a gift. Choose a quiet moment and read it aloud at a slow pace, with plenty of expression, maintaining eye contact as much as possible. Talk together about the concrete elements that make them so important in your eyes.
Did you know?
When individuals who feel grateful can’t express their gratitude to the benefactor, an internal tension is caused, reducing their degree of well-being (Emmons, 2008). The positive effects of the gratitude visit demonstrated in this exercise last for up to a month after delivering the letter (extract from « Positive Psychology », Shankland)
Today I’m helping you understand what happens when you’re anxious. The coronavirus causes fear of respiratory problems and stress. The brain then creates « selective hyper-vigilance », which means that it « scans » us very or even too regularly in search of the slightest problem and focuses only on the things that are wrong: that strange sensation in our chest, the muscle tension in our back, our itchy eyes.
Then the second phenomenon, « pathologizing labelling », comes in: we overreact to the slightest unusual sensation, telling ourselves that we are sick. That thought stresses us even more and we start hyperventilating, thus suggesting that a respiratory discomfort has set in—and that it could be the coronavirus.
And so the vicious cycle begins, and the anxiety becomes self-sustaining.
« Fear has big eyes » say the Russians. But eye size isn’t the measure of clear vision.
For today, here’s a positive psychology exercise that will increase your level of well-being in the short, medium, and long term. It’s about identifying your character strengths and using one per day in a specific activity. Here’s an example: one strength of mine is my love of study and learning. So from now on, I’m devoting every Monday afternoon to writing a chapter of my book, reading a scientific study, and preparing my lectures for my university students. I’m feeling aligned with my values and full of energy, and have the satisfaction of using the strengths that I love the most.
The icing on the cake? Taking the test with your partner and then talking about it afterward strengthens the bonds that bind you and helps unravel a lot of misunderstandings.
What’s your main strength?
Exercise: Identifying character strengths
Go to the character strength assessment website by typing « values in action » into your web browser. Register on the site (it’s free) and take the test.
Download the results report and read it.
Make a note of the five character strengths which represent you the most. These are considered your « signature strengths ».
Assign each strength to a day of the week. Practice one of your “signatures” each day for a month. So if Monday is your « learning and discovering” day, read an interesting article or sign up for a conference.
Using our signature strengths in daily activities considerably and sustainably improves our well-being.
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Adrien Chignard, Occupational Psychologist, Sens & Coherence
If physical health is to remain a top priority during this pandemic, then mental health is our best ally along the way. The psychological impacts of pandemics and confinement—stress, anxiety, PTSD, anger and for some, emotional exhaustion—are now well documented (see meta-analysis: https://lnkd.in/einFiqi). Once you’ve taken care of the basic precautionary measures, I invite you to:
Up the attention you give your spouse and children by putting your smartphone aside from time to time.
Opt for concrete activities that provide daily satisfaction (tidying the garage, organizing your cabinets, cleaning the attic, sorting the paperwork sitting in piles by the front door).
Maintain sleep patterns conducive to recovery and limit your exposure to screens. The evening news is enough, then reading is your best bet for falling asleep peacefully.
Develop healthy eating habits by cooking as a family.
Tell the people you love what you appreciate most about them (it has nothing to do with the current situation, but gratitude boosts immediate wellbeing, which can’t hurt right now).
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Adrien Chignard, Occupational Psychologist, Sens & Coherence
For some people, the days feel a little long, and boredom is a great friend of anxiety. So for the duration of lockdown, I would like to offer a daily “shrink’s tip” that I find useful and that will help you to cultivate “salutogenesis.” Have you ever heard of that concept? It’s basically about promoting things that improve health rather than mitigating things that damage it.
For today, here’s an exercise in positive psychology:
Identify a closet full of clothes (ideally yours!).
Sort clothes into three piles: Keep things you’ve worn within the past two years. Donate those that are in good condition. Throw away the rest.
Fold and place the clothing to be donated in a bag that you will deliver to a local charity as soon as possible.
Why is this a positive psych thing? Because adopting altruistic behaviour is correlated with your level of well-being and is beneficial to others, as well as to yourself.
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Adrien Chignard, Occupational Psychologist, Sens & Coherence
